Why should we retain a sense of humanity when people upset us at work?

"That person's an a******e. They just totally screwed me over!"

"Well, why don't you go talk to them about it and sort it out?"

"I couldn't possibly do that."

"Why not?"

"Didn't you year me? They're an a******e!"

Work is often a tough environment. Annoying stuff happens and it happens fairly regularly. People often don’t treat each other well and much of the stress involved in work is created by colleagues rather than the inherent complexity in the work itself.

A small percentage of people (1-2%) are psychopathic and either enjoy causing harm to others - or just don’t care if they do. Of course, most people are not like that but that doesn't stop ordinary people from causing harm to others.  They may be feeling stressed and anxious, trying to protect themselves, they may be short of time, trying to choose the least worst option or just trying to keep their head above water. They may even be inconsiderate and petty. But they’re not taking pleasure in screwing other people over. It’s just the situation that’s making that seem like the best thing to do. 

And very often, the very people who are acting aggressively believe they have been wronged in some way. There's a part of human nature which means we feel a kind of 'righteous anger' when we've been wronged – we feel obliged to redress the moral balance and set people straight. But it doesn't lead to a better work environment for anyone in the long run.

When we feel we’ve been wronged we may avoid that person in the future. Or we may confront them because we see them as a ‘nasty piece of work’ who needs 'a piece of our mind'. But as Aristotle famously said:

"Anybody can become angry - that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way - that is not within everybody's power and is not easy."

If we don’t understand the intention behind people’s actions it makes us see them more as a persecutor – in our minds it magnifies the effect of the harm done to us and leads us to feel more bitter, resentful and picked on. (Research on subjective experience of pain shows that when we believe people are deliberately causing us pain – rather than doing it by accident - we feel a much higher level of pain). In other words, if we realise someone has wronged us as a result of a 'screw-up' rather than a 'conspiracy' it can lessen the pain we feel. 

So if we’re able to understand where the ‘persecutor’ is coming from we’re better able to move on from the pain that it caused. Every action has some form of positive intention, even if it’s a selfish one. So it's important to have honest conversations after we feel we've been wronged, even if we'd much rather avoid people or lash out.

The last thing I'm advocating is a Pollyanna attitude or some trite nonsense around forgiving and forgetting over a cup of tea. But if we have conversations that help us understand others' intentions astutely, and realise that for the most part the people who’ve caused us pain are simply flawed human beings who are just trying to get by in difficult circumstances, it makes it easier for us to move on afterwards. More importantly it makes it easier for us to get to know them and work out if they can be trusted after all. Then we can either build a trusting relationship with them if they are trustworthy, or make a plan to work around them if they are not.

How does coaching actually drive performance?

Coaching, whether delivered by internal coaches, line managers or external partners, can have a lasting, positive impact on an organisation.

But what does an effective organisation look like?*

 At its simplest, it performs at a high level and it has "organisational health":

High Performance: achieving directly measurable business results
 

Organisational health: “the ability of your organisation to align, execute, and renew itself faster than your competitors… organisational health is about adapting to the present and shaping the future faster and better than the competition… Healthy organisations don’t merely learn to adjust themselves to their current context or to challenges that lie just ahead; they create a capacity to learn and keep changing over time”*

Even in high performing organisations, there’s sometimes tension between Performance and Health.  Sometimes it’s important to invest for the future at the expense of today – sacrificing short-term results to invest in the business for the longer term.  At other times it’s necessary to focus on short-term performance at the expense of longer-term organisational health, like when overcoming a crisis or when preparing for an IPO.

Where possible, organisations need to act in ways that build BOTH performance and health.  Sweating the assets too hard for too long might help this quarter’s results but can cause you problems later.  But losing your competitive edge by focusing on projects that build Health won’t work either.

It’s easy to see how coaching can help build health – it often focuses on thinking about the long-term, achieving potential and managing change.

But business leaders don’t always see the link between coaching and performance.  When working in a fast-moving environment, held to account for short-term results, they might be forgiven for viewing coaching as a ‘nice to have’. 

Leaders often feel that it takes too long to have an impact, requiring more patience on the part of line managers and coachees than is practical.  As leaders we can sometimes be gripped by the urge to bark “Just ****** do it!” at people who are taking time to achieve results.  And while we know that a coaching approach might help, we feel we don’t have the time or patience to coach. 

But when done well, coaching is a driver of short-term performance as well as organisational health.  Coaching can help individuals and teams to come up with solutions that were there all along but which were not obvious – and which need a different way of doing things.  Where the problem is complex and where different groups of people need to come together to make things happen, coaching for key members of the team can keep projects on time and to budget – whilst building capability in the team at the same time. 

To get the best from coaching, senior leaders need to use it as a strategic enabler – with clear goals linked to overall business objectives.  This approach enables leaders at the top of the organisation bring people with them in executing strategy and – more often than not – building future capability. 

*McKinsey Quarterly, June 2011 “Organisational Health – The Ultimate Competitive Advantage” – Scott Keller and Colin Price